Once a failure, forever a failure.

I felt so embarrassed about my results.
Its jz the matter of EGO.
I knw.
tis year wont be a gud year for me.
bcoz i hav to face my failure in this whole year or may 3/4 year.
yea, its long.
Dunno why i felt embarrassed about facing my own failure.
I hate it.!!!
feel like giving up.
bt I cant.
haiz..一失足成千古恨~

live in dream

I'm perfect in my dream. 

I have frens,

I have money, 

I have family, 

I have lover, 

I have gud apperance, 

I have great job, 

I speak well, 

Most importantly, I'm confident there. 

BUT once I woke up, my dream end. 

I hope I could live there, 

and this might be the reason why ,

ppl who lose consciousness "cnt" wake up....

mayb they're nt willing to wake up. 

Because they're having their perfect life in their dream 

while they're "sleeping".

Short term memory loss

I realize that my memories had become poorer, and sometimes I can't recall back smth clearly.

Mayb I faced short term memory loss, or maybe not. 

Memory loss is the inability to adequately store a particular memory. It is the failure to retain or recall the information.

Commonly also referred to as amnesia, memory loss can be described as a degree of forgetfulness or failure to recall past events which is above the normal level.

At times, memory loss is limited to an inability to recall events that are recent, but sometimes it could also be for events from the past or both.

And the reaason I faced this might be depression. 

Severe psychological stress can push a person beyond his/her coping abilities can cause memory loss among other mental disturbances. Research reveals that stress hormones kill or inhibit the growth of brain cells adversely affecting memory. The more prolonged the depression, the more extensive the damage.

I 4gt what I said to my fren yesterday and I can't recall back. 

I 4gt I'm a state representative or town representative of some sport.

I 4gt every lie I told. 

I 4gt every promises I made. 

I 4gt the reason why I want to stay alive.

Insecure

I feel insecure here, everything is like a dream.Things could chg upside down suddenly.
Hearing my fren talked about the others matter(negative), reli making me worried.
We were like close fren yesterday.......
Mayb one day u wil treat me like the way u treat the others, I have trauma on tat.
This reli pissing me off.
YOU look at me with the doubts in ur eyes reli making me freak out.
Making me felt tat I'm a LIER to u .
I felt insecure even though u're jz by my side talking about the other's matter.
I felt insecure after we end the conversation.( mayb I said smth wrong)
I felt insecure and lonely inside. . .( I'm nt being myself/scare to be myself)
Can someone save me here?
plz....
I'm scare to abandon by the others. . .
Although this is nt the 1st time....
I dun wan to abandon by the others again,
I'm scare.

Born this way lyrics.

Intro:
It doesn't matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M
Just put your paws up
'Cause you were born this way, baby

Verse:
My mama told me when I was young
We are all born superstars
She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on
In the glass of her boudoir
"There's nothin wrong with lovin who you are"
She said, "'cause he made you perfect, babe"
"So hold your head up girl and you'll go far,
Listen to me when I say"

Chorus:
I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way

Post-chorus:
Ooo there ain't no other way
Baby I was born this way
Baby I was born this way
Ooo there ain't no other way
Baby, I was born this way
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way

Don't be a drag - just be a queen
Don't be a drag - just be a queen
Don't be a drag - just be a queen
Don't be!
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/l/lady_gaga/born_this_way.html ]
Verse:
Give yourself prudence
And love your friends
Subway kid, rejoice your truth
In the religion of the insecure
I must be myself, respect my youth
A different lover is not a sin
Believe capital H-I-M (hey hey hey)
I love my life I love this record and
Mi amore vole fe yah (love needs faith)

Repeat chorus + post-chorus

Bridge:
Don't be a drag, just be a queen
Whether you're broke or evergreen
You're black, white, beige, chola descent
You're lebanese, you're orient
Whether life's disabilities
Left you outcast, bullied, or teased
Rejoice and love yourself today
'Cause baby you were born this way
No matter gay, straight, or bi,
Lesbian, transgendered life
I'm on the right track baby
I was born to survive
No matter black, white or beige
Chola or orient made
I'm on the right track baby
I was born to be brave

Repeat chorus + post-chorus

Outro/refrain:
I was born this way hey!
I was born this way hey!
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way hey!

I was born this way hey!
I was born this way hey!
I'm on the right track baby
I was born this way hey!